I got kind of binge-y last night

Not that it is an excuse, but it is just about that TOM.  I had two pudding cups when I got home from work and then after dinner I had about 10 gingersnaps and a fiber one bar.  But there is a victory in there.  There was  a container of ice cream in the freezer and I stayed the hell away from it!!!  And I didn't go back and eat the four pack of chocolate pudding cups.  I did get on the treadmill for a few minutes last night (8 or so) I was having a real hard time breathing so I stopped.  

This morning was my splurge morning for breakfast.  Egg McMuffin for 7 points please!!!  I really shouldn't have after last night pork-fest, but I really wanted it - so I did it!!!  I did do 10 minutes on the treadmill when I go up this morning, I guess to assuage some of the guilt about the McMuffin.  I really shouldn't feel any guilt.  I only ate one and I counted the points so its not like I was being bad.  (Hmm looks like I may have found something to work on...)

I packed my lunch today - a giant salad.  I forgot to pack my yogurt so I will have to find some way to get my dairy.  I guess I can just have my yogurt after work.  Dinner is leftovers from Sunday so that will give me something special to have with that meal.  

My brain is kind of buzzing this morning.  I think (HOPE) it is from the exercise this mornining.  I am going to keep doing my 10 min increments until and through Saturday.  Starting Sunday - 15 minutes no less!!!  I think I will add 5 minutes each week until I am 30 in the morning and 45 in the evening.  Then I want to tackle that pre-set area on the treadmill.  

I have clothes in all sized from 26 to 32. The 32's never did get tight (and some days I think I may have been shooting for that.  The pants I am wearing today are not 32s.  If they are they are slim 32.  I think they may even be 28s but they could be 30s.  I will check next time I go potty - which should be in about five minutes.  These pants are not the best fitting that I own.  So I am slightly uncomfortable today.  That makes me more aware of what I am trying to do.  I had hung a pair of size 28 jeans in my closet so that I can see them every day as my first clothing goal - I think making these pants fit better will be a goal before that one - although I can't stop wearing them until they fit well - I don't have enough clothes for that!!!  I am also looking forward to the day when the black and white pants fall off of me - and the black pin stripe pants.  Longer term clothing goals are the size 20 skirt I bought on sale at Pennys two years ago and the womens 2X Winnie The Pooh shirt that has been hanging in the back of my closet since I bought it over 5 years ago.  I think it will look quite nice with the khaki skirt!!!  I can't wait to wear that outfit.  Heck, to even wear that shirt with a tank top under it would be a major accomplishment and something to be proud of...  After that i am going to make myself some jumpers 9 or 10 of them and just wear those until I get to goal weight.  I don't have the money (or the love of shopping) to keep getting myself more clothes in all the sizes.  I will make them so that I can cinch the waist as I keep shrinking.  Other than the jumpers and some simple tops to go under them. I will NOT buy any more clothes until I can buy them at the 'regular' stores in size 18.  

Ok, that is all for today - time to go potty!!!

I exercised last night.  This was an early day for me so I let be an excuse to not get on the treadmill this morning.  I am going to get on this afternoon - no matter what!!!  I am very sleepy today.  

Tuesday January 6th

I didn't exercise last night or this morning and I have been feeling guilty about it all day today.  Not that the guilt does any good, but I have been feeling it nonetheless.  

I also know that I shouldn't get on the scale EVERY DAY, but I do that.  I did it today and it didn't show any drop from yesterday.  Maybe because I didn't move alot yesterday.  I did 15 mins yesterday am, but none other than that and about a bajillion trips to the bathroom.

On track for a 100%  on plan day today.  I still have to get Kris to help me with those measurements - I know that on weeks that the scale doesn't show any change that seeing that drop will really help me.  

The other reason I should stay off my scale at home is that it only goes to 320 - 20 lb less than what I weigh so it is not accurate for the readings I am trying to get from it.  

I have also discovered that from about 2PM until about 5PM I AM STARVING!!!  I realized this yesterday, so today I ate my lunch a little later to try and stave off ultimate starvation.  I will have my snack around 3:00 and I leave here at 4pm today so if I need to not have my after dinner snack and just have a second afternoon snack I can do that when I get home.  I have plenty of points for that - I also haven't used any of my weekly points so those are available and supposedly I am supposed to use those too!!!  And then there are activity points!!

I guess that is all for today!  

New Year - New Blog

Only I am keeping this name, because I like it.  

No one ever reads this but me, so who cares???

I joined weight watchers online on 12/31.  I went to my first meeting on 1/3.  Journaling is a big part of the whole deal - so I will journal here.  This way I can journal no matter where I am.  Because we (who is this we, I am the only one who reads this) know I will be no where without internet.  Ok, so maybe I will be some time, but what I want to do then, is journal on paper and then enter it.  I may even do that with the few days worth of journaling that I did on paper earlier this year.  

I got up and did the treadmill this morning.  I was only able to do 15 minutes and then I started wheezing pretting good so I stopped.  I am going to do the short WATP this evening.  I was going to try the treadmill in the evening, and I may go back to that - but for now I want to do treadmill in the am and WATP in the evening.  

On plan so far today.  Its almost 1:30.  Everyone is eating healthier around here, so that helps.  They are supposed to be doing a 'biggest loser' thing here.  I haven't been officially asked to join, but I sure would like to.  Maybe someone will ask me.  If not - oh well - who cares!!!    This is not about anyone else - this is about me.  Just me I am doing this mostly for me.  

Five days in and this one isn't a struggle yet.  Haven't had that feeling since SWBO six years (EEK) ago, and that one worked - until I let myself fail.  I will not, I cannot fail this time.  There may be weeks where I don't show a loss on the scales, but that is not an excuse to give up.  I am going to do this.  I am going to get to 150 pounds. I am dammit.  I am too good a person not to be thin and happy.  If I am thinner I will be able to get a better job, because people wont be able to label me lazy.  Well, they wont be so quick to label me lazy...